Yesterday was a pretty discouraging day for me. I actually wrote a blog about it all; but halfway through I realized I could never post it. I finished typing it out though and it helped a little just to have it all written down. So I just kept my woes to myself and prayed about them all day.
Anyway, because I was having a bad day I didn't have very much patience with my children. I really thought I was trying to have patience, but my patience could only stand so much. At one point I had 3 children standing by me whining (Christian was at school); I finally couldn't take it anymore and I took them all out of my room and shut and locked the door so I could have some time to myself. There was another point where I yelled at them. The truth was they weren't being extra bad; I was just frustrated about other things, and so that spilled out into my whole day and my whole outlook on life. So my poor children suffered.
As I said, I was really praying a lot yesterday. For wisdom in knowing how to deal with things that come my way. I prayed a lot that I would have the right attitude. All day I went about my day and my heart was just heavy with discouragement. Let me tell you it is impossible to be the way I'm supposed to be when I feel like that. I got to thinking about my bad attitude towards my children; and about how my bad attitude about the things that were getting me down was very similar to whining (the thing I lost my patience over with my children).
God NEVER loses his patience with me. When I whine, complain, ask for things I can't have; when I'm ungrateful, lazy and selfish. He is ever patient with me. Oh, he chastises me; and tries to teach me how to behave better; but he never shuts me out, as I did to my children, because he's tired of hearing my whining. He just patiently tries to help me with whatever my problems are. And let me tell you it requires way more patience than I will ever need with my children!
God has infinite patience! I'm very thankful for this!
Just to share with you all; by the end of the day my heart was still heavy; and I knew it shouldn't be, but I couldn't seem to shake it. I thought about calling and talking to someone, but I felt like I would only be discouraging to whomever if I tried; so I didn't do that. I knew that with God's help I should have gotten it taken care of, but I couldn't. I felt I needed some sort of little encouragement. God was good to me (in his infinite patience); even though I should have been able to feel better without extra help. Just before bedtime I got a phone call from someone. We didn't even talk about the things that were discouraging me, but he had some encouraging words to remind me what I was really striving for and how my discouragements were nothing, really, in the whole scheme of things. He reminded me how we need to live the old time religion so that we can make Heaven. It encouraged me to keep on keepin' on with a light heart because there is a beautiful reward waiting for me if I do!
Thank you Lord for your infinite patience and wisdom in dealing with me!